Honorifics

AnnaKink
AnnaKink
on August 15 2022 at 08:26 AM
Thought I would start an educational thread and open up to thr community to discuss. 
 
I came across this from a pro-Domme on instagram and I was trying to work out why this post rubbed me the wrong way. 
 

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So I thought about why it didn't sit right....
 
My thoughts because this is a pro-Domme talking about how things work as a SexWorker and Professional Dominant. But that this doesn't always work inthe real world with the average person.
 
Why? Because every BDSM community is different - so thr above post doesn't reflect that the BDSM lifestyle is customisable and in different regions morals and acceptable behaviour is different. It also doesn't consider the history behind the phrase "submission is earnt" - which was coined years ago in an attempt to educate submissives in the lifestyle because there was an upsurgence of abusive dominants and practices.
 
There is a movement in the online community that talks about honorifics not to be used unless consented to or only with someone you are in a dynamic with. Its not about hierarchy, it's about consent.
 
But depending on what community you evolved in what is written may very well be what happens in your local community. 
 
I am interested in other people's thoughts on this because I think discussing these topics is important. 
 
AnnaKink
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Owner, Founder and all round BOSSLADY of Altlife.Community
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Bald_Boi  
From AnnaKink said:
 
 
I agree i think when it comes to daily averagee lifestyle, honorifics is part of negotiation and consent which touches more on the side of "kink is customisable". 
 
This particular piece was written by a Professional Dominant (sex worker) and I think in a professional/paid service setting what they are saying is probably correct. 
 
But it's not correct for the general population. 
 
I had a great conversation with them actually and they agreed that they needed to make their posts clearer about the different settings - so when you PAY a professional, as part of their service agreement before engaging them you would be signing a contract which would include things like expectatoins around use of honorifics etc. But then you are paying them for that experience and service they are providing. 
 
Which is a completely different circumstance when you are not paying for a service - and are interacting with individuals online or in person. 
 
It then becomes nuanced even further - because in different regions, BDSM is different and has different moral codes and culture. Termonology can be nuanced and have different history and meaning. Taking that even further, there are times where there are rules, for example you may go to an event  that has rules which includes rules around addressing other individuals at that event. 
 
 
That does make a lot of sense.  I can understand if it is in the terms of the service agreement that that is something that is to be expected.  Which I feel does fall under the terms of a negotiation or discussion.  Because the person is then aware before they even pay for the service that it will be expected of them therefore if they can't do that then they should not pursue that service.  So in a sort of interesting way it is negotiation, but in the way of everyone entering into the agreement knows what is expected ahead of time.
scheduleon August 15 2022 at 01:12 PM
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