Introduction to Collars

Collar's aren't just for our furry friends, in fact, the term collar can apply to many different things. It is important to consider the purpose and context of the collar before using it. Here are some things to consider:

The first thing that comes to mind when most people think of a collar is the type of collar worn by animals, such as a leather collar with a big buckle or a choke chain with spikes. However, collars can be used in a variety of ways, whether in a BDSM setting, as a symbol of a romantic or kink-based relationship, or even as a fashion statement.

Before you proceed with a collar in your dynamic, it's important to have a conversation with your play partner and ask yourself some important questions. For example, what is the purpose of the collar? Is it being used as a symbol of ownership or submission? Are there any safety concerns or precautions that need to be taken? By having this conversation and understanding the context of the collar, you can ensure that everyone involved is comfortable and safe.

So, the next time you think of a collar, remember that it's not just for animals. It can be used in a variety of ways, but it's important to consider the context and purpose before proceeding.

Collars also don't have to be worn just around the neck, anything you and your partner choose and agree to can be considered a collar. 

Importantly, collars are not just associated with long term dynamic relationships. Some individuals negotiate wearing a collar only for scenes. Others never wear a collar.

It is all customisable, here are some basics to think about, and questions to ask yourself about collars and whether they are right for you/your relationship. 

 

This is not comprehensive and as kink is customisable, what works for one person may not work for you, it's about finding the right fit for you and your kinks


What does a collar mean to you?

Are you looking for a deeper, meaningful connection? A collar could be the perfect way to show that connection and your commitment to it. Maybe it's just for when you are in a scene to help you get into a particular headspace?

What does a collar mean to you? It's a decision that only you can make, but it's important to take the time to decide what it will mean for you.

Research collars, talk to other kinksters (Dominants and submissives) and your partner, and contemplate the significance it holds for you.

By taking the time to do this you can solidify whether a collar is something you want permanently, just for yourself, or just for play or all three!


How will you use your collar/What type of collar are you wanting?

When it comes to collars, they can hold deep significance and meaning for many people, for others they are purely for a single scene or moment. So, it's crucial to determine how you plan on using it.

If you are looking at long term dynamic, will you embark on a formal process with a new play partner, complete with consideration, training, and formal collars? Or are you already in a committed relationship and simply looking to explore a dynamic or only wanitng one during kinky scenes with a play collar?

The possibilities are endless, but finding the right collar for the right purpose and meaning is crucial. With various types of collars available, the choice can seem overwhelming, but with careful consideration, you'll be able to find the perfect one for you.


Are you ready for a collar?

For those who are looking at long term collaring an important question to ask yourself is: Are you ready to take the plunge and add a collar to your relationship? It's an important decision that requires careful consideration, and not one to be taken lightly. Before you take the next step, it's essential to ask yourself and your partner some important questions.

Have you both committed to your relationship and are ready for the weight of a collar? Remember that a collar carries responsibility for both the submissive and the Dominant. It's not just about surrender and submission for the submissive, but also about protection, guidance and care for the Dominant. It's a symbol of commitment, trust and dedication on both parts.

It's also important to remember that a collar is not a magic fix for a relationship. It's important to have a strong foundation and to feel secure in your relationship before even considering a collar. Don't rush into it, take your time and make sure you are both ready for the obligations that come along with a collar before making that commitment.


Collaring - long term dynamics and relationships

Preparing for a collar in a BDSM relationship can be a big step that requires a lot of thought and careful consideration. It's not something we recommend new kinksters to take lightly, just like you wouldn't jump into an engagement or marriage without first getting to know and build a strong foundation with your partner.

A great way to start is by experimenting with different dynamics and collars. Some couples may choose to start with a "novice" or "training" collar, and gradually progress as they learn and grow together in their dynamic. 

But how do you know when you're ready to take the next step? Consider how well you know your partner, if you love them and feel connected to them, and if you can see yourself in this dynamic with them long-term. It's important to have open and effective communication, trust, and mutual commitment to making the relationship work.

A collar can be significant milestone in a BDSM relationship, and treating it as such can help guide you in determining the right time to add it to your relationship. Knowing that your partner has your back and will be there for you through good times and bad is a strong indicator that you're ready for the commitment and weight of a collar.


How do you ask for a collar?

When it comes to asking for a collar in a BDSM relationship, there's no one "right" way to do it. In fact, it's not even a common expectation within the kink community. Every dynamic and situation is different and it will depend on what you and your partner have discussed and agreed upon.

Some Dominants may require that the submissive ask to be collared, while others may take it upon themselves to ask if the submissive wants to be collared by them. It can also be negotiated as part of your scene or dynamic. But one thing is for sure,  we believe that collars should always be negotiated and consented to by both parties.

For those dynamics where the submissive is asked to beg for their collar, you could have a little speech where you pledge your devotion, and express what the Dominant has done for you or your vision for the future with them, and then ask for the collar. But for those who are more direct, it could be as simple as having an open conversation about it.

It's important to remember that in BDSM, communication is key, so if you're unsure about how the collaring process should take place, make sure to ask your partner. They can't expect you to fulfill their expectations if they haven't clearly communicated them to you. And as always, remember that kink is customizable, so you and your partner can agree on a process that works best for both of you.

It's not always the norm for submissive to ask for a collar, it's more common for Dominant to initiate it, but it doesn't mean that you can't bring it up, especially if you are devoted to your Dominant, and you feel ready for that next step. Ask them about their feelings and thoughts about collars, and see if the collar means the same thing to them as it does to you, and remember to negotiate it and consented to before any action.


How does a submissive receive a collar?

Receiving a collar is a significant moment for many submissives in a BDSM relationship. It's a celebration of the commitment and trust between partners, and often a rite of passage. For this reason, formal collaring ceremonies have become popular among many in the kink community. But remember, there's no one right or wrong way to be collared.

The best way to approach a collaring is to discuss with your partner what they would like to happen. Some Dominants prefer a more traditional approach, such as having their submissive kneel while the collar is put on. However, if you're opting for a non-traditional collar, such as a piece of jewelry, tattoo, or brand, you may have a different way of wanting the collaring to take place.

Many like to plan a more formal ceremony, similar to a wedding. It could be a private or public occasion, and shared with friends, family, or members of your BDSM community. You're committing yourself to someone in a special and sometimes permanent way, so it's important that you both agree on the collaring ceremony that represents your dynamic and the level of commitment you both have. It's a personal choice, don't hesitate to have creative, fun and special way to make it a memorable occasion.


Types of Collars

When it comes to collars in BDSM, for many, it symbolizes a submissive's commitment to their Dominant and the Dominant's commitment to their submissive, often including their love and devotion to each other. It's an important symbol that represents the bond between partners.

There are various types of collars used in the kink community, such as formal, play, and training collars. However, it's important to remember that because of the customizability of kink, the meaning and representation of a collar, as well as how and where it's worn, is unique to each individual relationship.

It's also important to note that there's no right or wrong way to be collared or to wear a collar. It all comes down to what you and your play partner have negotiated and agreed upon. It can be a deeply personal and intimate aspect of a BDSM dynamic, and as long as there is open communication and consent, you should feel free to make the collar and it's meaning your own.

 

Play Collar

These collars are very commonly worn during scenes and tend to have no significant meaning behind them.

Play collars are typically dog collars, leather collars, or ribbon collars. They may change depending on what the scene involves. 

 

Protection Collars

This is when a Dom wants to show that a submissive is protected and is commonly used in dungeons or kink-parties. This lets other Dom's know that while this sub is not owned, they are not free to touch or approach. These collars are typically dog collars or leather collars.

 

Training/Consideration Collar

This type of collar shows that a submissive is currently being trained/considered by a Dom.

It gives a taste of the power that the Dom has over the sub and is usually for a set period of time (as negotiated and agreed). These collars tend to be leather collars.

 

Ownership/Formal/Slave Collar

This is not to be taken lightly, for some individuals it is the equivalent of giving/receiving a wedding ring and shows that the submissive is owned. For others an ownership collar is earned after a sub has completed their training or deemed worthy of being kept long term. This means it could be years before a sub receives an ownership collar. These collars can look like anything from a leather dog collar, to a metal collar (most commonly seen), to a symbolic piece of jewelry (a bracelet, anklet,  necklace, or ring).

 

Online Collar

An online collar may not be something many may feel should be covered in the same post as 'real' collars, but no matter the method you earn or wear your collar, the symbolism of the collar means the same thing.

An online collar is usually denoted with brackets and your Dom's initials next to your nickname. (just be wary of these becoming "velcro collars".) On our Platform, users can consent to haveing their relationship status public - Owner of, Owned by etc

 

Collars are not limited to physical pices of jewellery either. Taking into cosnideration your own personal needs and preferences are important. So a collar can be anything from a pice of clothing, to a nickname. 

 


Fit and Comfort of a Collar

When it comes to choosing the right collar for your BDSM dynamic, your personal preference is just as important.

If you are looking at a physical collar the fit is just as important as the style or material. A collar that's too tight can cause discomfort, while one that's too loose may not be effective or secure. The right fit, tye and where it is worn will depend on your and your submissive's personal preferences and comfort levels.

For collars around necks, wrists rings, etc, it's important to measure your submissive and check the sizing guide for the collar you want them to wear. If they prefer a looser fit, choose a size larger. For a close-fitting collar, stick closely to their neck measurement. But also, be aware of any sensitivities or allergies to materials, as a collar that causes skin irritation is not suitable.

Look for adjustable collars, which will accommodate weight gain or loss and different preferences for tightness or looseness from one day to the next. And be sure to try the collar on before wearing it for play or daily use, and take into account your submissive's feedback on how it feels. If they're not comfortable wearing it now, they're unlikely to be comfortable in the future.

It's important to have a good fit and right material as it will be worn on the submissive body all the time, so your submissive can wear it with comfort and pride as it will remind them of the commitment they have made to the Dominant.

In some cases, there are options to have a discreet collar that blends with everyday wear or a special collar for BDSM scenes. Remember, a collar is a personal symbol of your dynamic and the right fit is an essential part of it.


Choosing a Style You prefer

When it comes to choosing a collar for a BDSM dynamic, the submissive's choice should always be taken into consideration, as they are the person who will be wearing it. While the Dominant may have preferences and be in charge, the submissive's comfort and preferences are important to consider.

It's important to have open communication and discuss the style of the collar with your partner and find what works best for both of you. There are many options available, from discreet day collars like necklaces, anklets, bracelets or rings, that would not raise an eyebrow in the "vanilla" world, to more traditional styles like thick, heavy collars made of leather, chains or other materials. Black leather may be a stereotype, but bright colors and even unusual materials, like ribbon, are perfect for other submissives. Infinity collars are also a beautiful and elegant option and often symbolize the commitment between Dominant and submissive.

It's also important to consider the security of collar, and if it's lockable or requires a key, making sure that the submissive is able to remove it or have access to the key in case of emergency or medical reasons if the Dominant isn't available.

Other types of collars that can be accepted are tattoos, brands, belly chains, piercings, etc. The collar you choose for your relationship and scenes should feel good, work well for you and why you have it. Take your time to research your options and pick the BDSM collar that best helps you express your individual dynamic.

Posted in BDSM/Kink Education on January 19 2023 at 02:11 PM
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