We have all heard about the importance of vetting when it comes to relationships and play partners. However recent TikTok posts has made nit important to remind everyone that we should also be vetting our educators.
Example of misinformed educator
In a very strange turn of events a women's sexual health, sex coach educator posted a TikTok where she admitted to teaching 100 people in her BDSM 101 class that "submissives have all the power".
RED FLAG ALERTS!!
Many of us in the kinktok community commented and pulled her up on this extremely inaccurate information. Importantly key comments on this post included:
1. D/s dynamics are Power Exchanges, it is an exchange of equal power
2. That she had told a class of 100 people that the Dominant has no consent or bodily autonomy
3. That the submissive has all the power over their submission NOT all the power fullstop.
Which has obviously now led to a need for the discussion that it is important to vet your educators as well.
This particular educator has thousands of followers had been written up as a life coach etc however has publicly provided, not only a group of 100 participants but, everyone that watches her TikTok misinformation about D/s dynamics.
How to vet educators
So then how do you vet educators, particularly with so many content creators and ways to provide and receive information online? It might not be as simple as asking for credentials or asking how long have you been in the lifestyle? So here are some thoughts on what to think about when vetting an educator.
Many will say well what are their credentials? Which is always a great starting point, but there isn't a degree or a recognised course on Kink Education. Are they are qualified therapist? Maybe they have a degree in psychology? Sometimes these will be helpful especially if they say they are a coach or therapist.
Where do they teach? Is it just online? Do they do in person classes? Are these run or part of or recommended by your local community? Do they teach at all or do they just post information in 30sec TikTok videos?
Being in the lifestyle isn't a must, depending on what they are teaching, but you may think twice about getting information from someone who has never been in the BDSM lifestyle as they are unable to draw on their own experiences. Conversely, being in the lifestyle for x number of years doesn't also mean that they are teaching accurate information either.
What do others say about them? On their online content are the comments supportive or are there people who are saying that the information isn't correct or is inaccurate? Are they already established in the community as a recommended educator? Do others refer newbies to them?
Are they open to criticism and correcting themselves if called out? This is a little important because the world is not a stagnant place and therefore we should all be learning. So if someone says they are an educator but is then called out on information that might not be accurate do they humbly accept that criticism or do they ignore, block, turn off comments? A good educator acknowledges mistakes, learns and grows.
There really is no fool proof way of vetting an educator, internationally recognised degree or BDSM license would be beneficial, but without that common sense needs to prevail.
A good educator will always come to the basics:
Consent Consent Consent!
Safety (before, during and after)
Kink is customisable.
Do you have any other ways you vet educators? Share your suggestions in the comments!