Abusive Relationships

Abuse comes in many forms and it’s important to recognize them. Obviously, if your partner is hitting you, it’s abuse. However, sometimes it’s not quite cut and dried. Mental and verbal abuse can be just as serious. The scars may not be physically visible but they’re in places that can affect you throughout your entire life.

Types of Abuse

There are four main types of abuse that you should be aware about when you or one of your friends are dating/entering relationships. The main types of abuse are physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse. There are distinct differences between the four, and when you are aware of what each means, then you will be able to identify it early on in any new relationship.

Physical abuse happens when someone actually does something physical to hurt the other person or knock that person off balance against their will. For example, if a man is upset at his partner and he slaps her across the face, then that is physical abuse. Another example is when he shoves her out of the way while walking past her. If she did not approve of this or is not in the mood for it, then it can be counted as abuse. In fact, there is no time when anyone should be pushed, shoved or hit. Other examples of physical dating abuse are when one or both partners are kicking, scratching, biting each other or throwing things at each other. The reason why this is so bad is because it can easily escalate into domestic violence where someone can get seriously hurt or even killed. If you see this happening, then run quick!

Emotional abuse happens when one partner calls the other partner names or puts them down. There can be emotional abuse without physical abuse. It is one thing to give constructive criticism, but to tear someone down or to belittle them, especially in front of other friends and family is not good at all. If someone is to point out something wrong that you did, then there must also be a solution mentioned, and it must be presented in a courteous way. No person deserves to be called any names or be bullied. Another form of emotional abuse is when one partner neglects the other partner. He or she either keeps them away from seeing friends and family, or they don't even spend time with them. Either one is a dangerous form of emotional abuse, and if you see it, then run quickly.

Sexual abuse occurs when your partner forces you to do something sexual against your will, such as touching, kissing, or having sex. This can easily escalate to physical abuse like hitting, shoving, kicking, scratching, etc. If you see any of these forms of dating abuse happening in your relationship or the relationship of one of your friends, then tell them to leave quickly. Everyone will be better off.

Financial Abuse is a form of violence that involves controlling or limiting a partner’s access to money and other financial resources. It can include actions such as withholding money or access to bank accounts, controlling how money is spent, preventing a partner from working or earning an income, and using financial leverage to manipulate or coerce a partner into certain behaviours. This type of abuse can leave victims feeling trapped and financially dependent on their abuser, making it difficult for them to leave the relationship.

Toxic relationships

 Toxic relationships are those that are emotionally or physically harmful to one or both partners. They can take many forms, from verbal and emotional abuse to physical violence. Toxic relationships can leave one or both partners feeling drained, unhappy and trapped. It can also be difficult to leave these relationships, especially if there is a history or trauma or abuse.

In addition to abuse, toxic relationships often involve a lack of trust, respect, and support between partners. One partner may constantly criticize the other, make unreasonable demands, or try to isolate them from friends and family. In some cases, one partner may even try to make the other dependent on them, either financially or emotionally.

One of the most insidious aspects of toxic relationships is the cycle of behavior that often plays out. After a blowup or argument, the toxic partner may apologize or make promises to change. This honeymoon period can lead the other partner to believe that things will get better, only for the cycle to repeat itself. Over time, this can erode the victim's self-esteem and leave them feeling trapped.

One way to break free from a toxic relationship is to recognize that you have choices. You can stand up for yourself, set new boundaries, and seek help from therapy groups. It's important to realize that you deserve happiness and a healthy relationship.

While some toxic relationships may be irreparable, others can be fixed with time and effort from both partners. Whether it's taking a break or seeking counseling, the key is to prioritize the well-being of both individuals involved.

Signs of an abusive relationship

Here are some signs that you may be in an abusive relationship:

1. You feel afraid of your partner, or you feel like you're walking on eggshells around them.
2. Your partner tries to control you by dictating who you can see, what you can wear, and where you can go.
3. Your partner insults you, puts you down, or makes you feel worthless.
4. Your partner threatens you with violence or makes you feel like you're in danger.
5. Your partner uses physical force, such as hitting, pushing, or grabbing, to get their way.
6. Your partner forces you to have sex against your will.
7. Your partner isolates you from your friends and family, or tries to make you financially dependent on them.
8. Your partner blames you for their behavior or makes you feel like you're responsible for their emotions.
9. Your partner has a history of being physically violent, emotionally abusive, or controlling in past relationships.
10. You feel like you can't be yourself around your partner or you're constantly walking on eggshells.

It's important to remember that not all abusive relationships will exhibit all of these signs. If you're experiencing abuse, it's important to seek help from a trained professional or a domestic violence hotline. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in your relationships.

What is love bombing?

Love bombing is a tactic that is sometimes used by abusers or manipulators in toxic relationships. It involves showering a partner with attention, affection, and gifts in an attempt to quickly win their trust and affection. This can include constant texting, gifts, and over-the-top displays of affection, such as elaborate surprise dates or weekend getaways. While this attention can feel overwhelming and flattering at first, it can quickly become suffocating and manipulative.

Love bombing is often used to distract a partner from abusive or controlling behavior, or to make them feel obligated to stay in the relationship. By making a partner feel like they are the center of the abuser's world, it can be difficult for them to recognize or acknowledge any negative behavior. This can lead to a sense of obligation or guilt, making it harder for the partner to leave the relationship when things turn toxic.

This is very different from someone whose love language is simply to express themselves with acts of love and affection. While they may also be very affectionate and attentive, they will not be using this behavior as a means of control or manipulation. Additionally, someone with a healthy love language will also respect their partner's boundaries and be able to accept rejection or a lack of reciprocation without reacting negatively or trying to force their partner to comply with their desires. In contrast, abusers may become angry or vindictive when their partner does not respond to their love bombing or begins to set boundaries.

Support is available

If you are experiencing abuse or violence in your relationship, it is important to seek help as soon as possible. You do not have to face this alone. There are many resources available to help you, including local domestic violence hotlines, counseling services, and support groups. These services can provide you with emotional support, practical advice, and safety planning to help you stay safe and protect yourself and your loved ones. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness - it is a brave and important step towards healing and regaining control of your life. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency services or the national domestic violence hotline for your country.

Here is a list of international domestic violence and abuse counseling services:

USA

1. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA): Provides confidential support and resources for victims of domestic violence in the United States. Call 1-800-799-7233 or visit their website at thehotline.org.
2. National Network to End Domestic Violence (USA): Provides resources and advocacy for domestic violence victims and survivors in the United States. Visit their website at nnedv.org.
3. National Sexual Assault Hotline (USA): Provides confidential support for survivors of sexual assault in the United States. Call 1-800-656-4673 or visit their website at rainn.org.
4. The Domestic Abuse Project (USA): Provides counseling and support services for male victims of domestic violence in Minnesota, United States. Call 1-866-223-1111 or visit their website at mndap.org.
5. The SafeCenter (USA): Provides services for all survivors of domestic violence, including men, in California, United States. Call their 24-hour hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit their website at safecenter.org.

UK

1. Women's Aid (UK): Offers support, information, and resources for women experiencing domestic violence in the United Kingdom. Call 0808 2000 247 or visit their website at womensaid.org.uk.
2. ManKind Initiative (UK): Provides support and resources for male victims of domestic abuse in the United Kingdom. Call 01823 334244 or visit their website at mankind.org.uk.
3. AMIS (France): Provides support and resources for male victims of domestic violence in France. Call 01 45 84 24 24 or visit their website at amis-egalite.fr.
4. Men's Advice Line (UK): Provides confidential advice and support for male victims of domestic violence in the United Kingdom. Call 0808 801 0327 or visit their website at mensadviceline.org.uk.

New Zealand

1. Shakti Women's Aid (New Zealand): Provides culturally appropriate support and resources for migrant and refugee women experiencing domestic violence in New Zealand. Call 0800 SHAKTI (0800 742 584) or visit their website at shakti.org.nz.

Canada

1. Canadian Women's Foundation (Canada): Offers resources and support for women and girls experiencing gender-based violence in Canada. Visit their website at canadianwomen.org.

Australia

1. 1800RESPECT (Australia): Provides confidential counseling and support for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault in Australia. Call 1800 737 732 or visit their website at 1800respect.org.au.
2. One in Three Campaign (Australia): A campaign dedicated to raising awareness of male victims of domestic violence in Australia. Visit their website at oneinthree.com.au.

Europe

1. The European Network for the Work with Perpetrators of Domestic Violence (Europe): Offers resources and support for professionals working with perpetrators of domestic violence in Europe. Visit their website at work-with-perpetrators.eu.

Feel free to leave links and information to additional resources and support services local to you in the comments