Red Flag Green Flag – A discussion about what to look for in a play partner

BDSM relationships can be incredibly rewarding, but they also require a high degree of trust and
intimacy between partners. A clear understanding of boundaries, desires and limitations is essential
to make these relationships work. To help identify whether someone may be a good fit as either a
Dominant/Top or submissive/bottom we under go a vetting period.

Vetting potential play partners in the BDSM lifestyle is crucial to ensure a safe, healthy, and
enjoyable experience for all involved. One of the quick ways that’s talked about to vet a potential
partner is to look for “red flags” or warning signs and “green flags” or positive indicators. However,
this is a basic assessment toll and should not be the only method used to vet a partner.

Instead of talking about red flags, I want to focus on positive indicators that someone is a good fit.

The reason for this, is sometimes, someone new to the lifestyle exhibits red flags only because they
are inexperienced and still learning and finding themselves. So here are my takes on some positive
indicators:

1. Clear Communication: A person who is able to articulate their boundaries, desires,
limitations or their lack of knowledge or experience is a good sign that they will effectively
communicate.
2. Self-Awareness: A person who as a clear understanding of their limits, boundaries,
experience as well as their faults and strengths will be better equipped to enter into a
relationship with confidence and clarity.
3. Respect for Limits: A person who consistently respects the limits sets by the other people is
an important indicator that they are committed to the fundamental principles of the BDSM
lifestyle and respecting other peoples boundaries. This doesn’t have to be BDSM boundaries,
but consistently respects any and all types of boundaries.
4. Willingness to receive feedback: A person who is open to receiving feedback from other
people and is willing to make adjustments based on that feedback is a good sign that they
are willing to grow and learn.
5. Trust: trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, and it is especially important in BDSM. A
person who is able to trust and is reliable is an important indicator that they are comfortable
in their role and others are comfortable with them.
6. Willingness to learn: A person who is open to learning and growing in their role and as a
person is a positive indicator that they are committed and willing to continuously improve
their skills.
7. Empathy: A person who is able to understand and empathise with the feelings and needs of
others is more likely to be a good fit for a BDSM relationship. This kind of empathy can help
build a healthy, happy relationship that is based on mutual respect and understanding.
8. Positive attitude: A person who has a positive can-do attitude is more likely to e able to
support a healthy and happy relationship.

 

It is important to remember that everyone is different and there is no one right way to be
Dominant/Top or submissive/bottom. These green flags are simply indicators of someone who is
well-suited to a BDSM relationship, but they are not absolute. Positive indicators may change when
looking for a partner for a single scene, compared to a longer term relationship or dynamic.

 

Ultimately the most important factor in any BDSM relationship is mutual respect, trust and open
communication.

It is important to emphasise that BDSM should always be practiced in a safe, consensual and
respectful manner. This means that both partners should have clear and communicated boundaries
and everyone involve should feel comfortable and respected at all times.

What are the green flags you look for in a potential play partner, let me know in the comments?