Love languages
We have all heard of the five love languages - but a more recent book has come out which details 18 love languages and ones which are more inclusive.
The original 5 love languages most of us know about are:
- words of affirmation
- acts of service
- receiving gifts
- quality time
- physical touch
But love languages are not just for monogomous couples Anne Hodder-Shipp is a certified sex and relationship educator who saw the need for representation from all relationships, not just monogamous, romantic ones. While The Five Love Languages focuses on heterosexual relationships, the 18 languages for Modern Love focuses on an “interpersonal interaction,” which can range from romantic to platonic to everything else in between.
18 Love languages
Here are Anne's 18 love languages with examples:
- Accountability
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
Following through on change |
Making a “both sides”argument |
- Active listening
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
an open curious mind |
Saying “hmm…cool” |
- Acts of Sympathy
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
saying “do you want advice or to just feel heard” |
waiting for your turn to share |
- Communications
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
supportive words during challenges |
saying “thanks, you too” |
- Bestowing
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
something that has been given without expectation of reciprocity |
an apology replacer |
- Emotional Labor
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
managing emotions in challenging situations |
Women’s work |
- Engaged experiences
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
watching each other’s favorite show |
An excuse for taking an expensive holiday |
- Intentional time
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
deliberately scheduling it |
Piggy backing on someone else’s time |
- Personal growth
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
setting & respecting boundaries |
Expecting others to grow with you |
- Platonic touch
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
weighted blankets |
Foreplay or asking for sex |
- Problem solving
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
saying “What can I do” |
Unsolicited suggestions |
- Providing
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
sugar mamas/sugar daddies/sugar babies |
Enforced gender roles |
- Shared beliefs
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
preferred relationship styles |
Agreeing on everything |
- Solidarity
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
calling out micro-aggressions |
defending a perpetrator because they’re a friend |
- Teamwork
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
doing a puzzle |
Dependence on a partner |
- Thoughtful service
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
holding the door for a stranger |
Tot for tat scorekeeping |
- Undivided attention
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
attentive body language |
Responding to texts during lulls |
- Upskilling
|
Example |
What it isn’t |
|
receiving with gratitude |
Lecturing or soapboxing |