Negotiate vs Navigate

on February 26 2023 at 08:24 PM

I've been thinking about language used in BDSM and one term that we hear regularly in discussion and in education and on kinktok is "negotiation" when it comes to scenes, contracts etc.

It's a term I use all the time. But because words have power it got me thinking about the term negotiating in the context of BDSM and whether it is actually appropriate for the context it is used for.

For many when we talk about negotiation, it implies a transactional arrangement, one where there is compromises and a win and lose outcome. But that isn't how BDSM works or the communication qhen discussing a scene with potential play partner.

We don't negotiate our limits or boundaries. We discuss them and communicate them and then we navigate those limits and boundaries and create a scene that everyone can agree to and is comfortable with. So it's not really a negotiation.

Which kind of lead me to the term navigate. We navigate the agreement of a scene, we navigate our limits and boundaries in pre-care. But we don't compromise on them, there is no win and lose outcome.

I find it an interesting rabbit hole and I am interested in what others think about it. Feel free to add to the discussion!

AnnaKink

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Owner, Founder and all round BOSSLADY of Altlife.Community

Viewing 2 replies - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)

Great thoughts. Protocol discussion sounds good as well. I feel we use the term negotiate partocular when talking about contracts in dynamics and from a legal perspective, my field of expertise, I feel that negotiate on dynamic contracts is still not 100% accurate but there coukd still be instances of compromise around things that aren't ragout boundaries or limits.

So discussing protocols in that scenario makes sense.

From MsBacon said:

I'll be honest, I never really thought about the verbiage of "negotiation" in terms of BDSM until you said something. Its just been a term to imply discussion to the vast majority but I can see the difference in what is implied when it comes to a dynamic conversation.

Negotiation eludes to the bargaining, if you will, of boundaries and limits. Something which should not be done in a dynamic let alone in initial stages. Defining, navigating, or I even fall back to protocol discussion.

Protocol discussion being "a system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed". Being a very black and white person, this seems the most fitting personally.

Thank you for bringing this up and making me think Anna!! <3

AnnaKink

__________________________________

Owner, Founder and all round BOSSLADY of Altlife.Community

on February 28 2023 at 08:31 PM

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